Thoughts on my First Pride Month

“Rainbows give me so much hope”

Now that my first June being out is over, I thought it would be interesting to reflect on the month as a whole. Sadly, I had to live my first Pride Month in an America under the Trump administration, from which the LGBTQ+ community has been given significantly less love than from the former administration. I’m not complaining, (because America is still a very safe place for white lesbians compared to other countries and demographics) but rather pointing out that this is one of the biggest reasons why every Pride event I went to in June had an air of resilience instead of joy.

In all of the “spaces” pieces I’ve written so far (here, here, here, and here) I’ve tried to emphasize the ways that hate still invades these safe places and how we fight and reconcile that. We cannot exist without protest when our very existence is protest and resistance. As we gather in queer-positive spaces, we strengthen this resolve in each other. We’re a community. As my boss loves to say, we’re a family. We’re here for each other. When one of us comes out, we celebrate. When one of us dies, we mourn. We support whomever we can however we can. It’s beautiful.

I love the bond between queer people more than anything. If you read articles about lesbian dating, one of the things that is always recommended is “gay eye contact.” Supposedly, this is when you look at someone the right way and both of you just *know* that you want to hit on the other. I don’t know if it works because I’m a single baby dyke, but everyone recommends it for dating. However, I do know that in queer spaces, every act of body language means more. Every smile and hug and kiss and hand hold and high-five is more special because it expresses the phenomenal solidarity and love in the queer community. Touch is incredibly powerful.

In this month, it was also just really amazing to see the support from and the history of the queer community. I love happy, older queer couples. I love learning about the riots that began pride and the queer civil rights movement. I love people congratulating me on coming out. I love little ones at their first pride. I love rainbows! Rainbows give me so much hope.

So remember that pride shouldn’t end in June. Keep being out. Keep voting for queer politicians and lobbying for queer-positive laws. Keep advocating. Keep being you.

Being an Ally to the Queer Community 101

On Wednesday I was blessed to help and watch Meghan (my boss) give a presentation on some basics of how to respect and communicate with transgender people. She spoke for about four hours on issues specific to transgender people. She touched on the importance of being an ally and thus inspired me to write this little guide on the parts of allyship which I think should be more emphasized.

 

  • Remember that your number one job as an ally is to offer support for the LGBTQ+ community.

As an ally, you have to remember that your voice is only as important as it amplifies the voices of those who you are allied with. Constantly educate yourself on issues important to this community. Don’t depend on queer people to educate you, but always listen to the voices in this community because they know more about their experiences than you do.

  • Understand the impact of your vote and use it correctly.

This means voting for people who support the rights of queer people and sometimes queer politicians themselves. The LGBTQ+ community is a significant voting bloc, but we by no means make up enough of the population to elect the officials and vote for the issues we need by ourselves. As an ally, you have to support us both in word and action.

  • Understand your place.

Allyship does not align you with the struggles or discrimination we face. Don’t make this about you. Know that we appreciate the support, but also know that you’re here to offer that support by listening to us, advocating for us, voting in ways to help us, and so forth. Being an ally is an important part of being a good person and doing good for your fellow man. Don’t expect a gold star for doing your duty.

  • Accept that you will make mistakes.

Sometimes you’ll flub up pronouns or say the wrong thing. Don’t freak out about it. Apologize, correct it, thank someone if they corrected you, and move on. Don’t argue with a queer person about whether or not you meant to make a mistake, and don’t make this about you by over-apologizing and giving a million reasons as to why you would never mess up on purpose ever (“I have a gay friend!” “I loveĀ Modern Family!” “I voted for Hillary!”) That’s all super cool, but again, this isn’t about you. Apologize, understand that you may have offended someone deeply and they may need time or space to deal with it, and then continue with your life and try not to make the mistake again.

  • Support us when we can’t speak up for ourselves.

Here’s where being an ally really is tested. Much like voting for our interests, you have to remember that queer people are people too at all times. This means not making insensitive jokes, not laughing about them, and even correcting your friends if they make them. This is saying “Hey Tom, it’s not cool how you use (insert offensive term here) as an insult” even when no one who is queer is around. This is not watching shows or films which use homophobic, transphobic, or biphobic schticks to be funny or edgy. This one is difficult, but it is also of one of the most important, as change must happen in communities dominated by non-queer persons for equality to truly be reached.

  • Learn the importance of intersectionality.

I am a white gay woman and as such I only understand my struggles. I cannot speak on the journey of queer POC, transpersons, bisexuals, etc. I do consider myself an ally of and the family of people in these communities! Good allyship necessitates the understanding that the LGBTQ+ community is diverse and that just considering yourself an ally of queer persons neglects this diversity. You should consider yourself an ally of all persons less privileged and differently privileged than yourself.

 

Stay out and proud and loud y’all. Good luck navigating allyship. You can do it!